Here’s an extremely late update because I’ve been extremely busy lately. There was hunting for an apartment in the cities, buying a used car, and No Brand Con complete with getting sick from that all on top of working more than usually at my current job (figures, now that I put in my 2 weeks, I get a crazy amount of hours). So yeah, I’ve been busy. Still have to go up to the cities again this weekend to sign the lease and do orientation. Then I get a week “off” (will still have to work my current job for an unknown amount of hours next week. At least one day with the possibility of more) before the big move in 2 weeks time. Suffice to say, I’ve a lot on my mind right now.
To reiterate, or to at least make it a little more clear in my mind, here is “the plan.” I’ve secured a summer job up in the cities. The hours are long and the pay isn’t great, but it’s full time, so I should be able to support myself up there. The idea is that while I work that job, I will apply to other, long term jobs. I want to start looking next week, but I’ll see how busy I end up being then. I’m subleasing an apartment, fulfilling the remaining four months on his lease (June through september). This will give me an local address to use on applications, resumes, and cover letters. I will first try for higher paying entry level jobs that make use of my current diverse skill set. If that doesn’t work out, then I will basically lower myself to almost anything, so long as I can make ends meet. This will be tricky, because if I want to keep the apartment, I’ll have to sign another lease at the end of July, so I basically have only 2 months to find something. Otherwise, if I don’t sign, and I do find something, I’ll have to find a new place by the end of September. Worse case scenario and I can’t find a job, then I move back here and see if I can go back to my current job.
There is still some fuzziness about this plan, mainly about what to do during the two weeks I don’t have the apartment, but I’m scheduled to start work. I might be able to move into the apartment early, but I don’t know how early. I could stay at an hotel, but that eat up most of what I’d earn in an 8 hour work day. One friend has offered to put me up a little, but it didn’t sound like I could stay there the full two weeks, and I wouldn’t want to impose by staying longer than a couple days. I could drive back to my dad’s house on the day I don’t have to work, but that’s a long drive. And finally, I could always resort to “urban camping.” (i.e., sleeping in the back of my car). I’ll probably end up using a mix of all three, though not the last one if I can help it. Moving in will also be a pain. Probably going to bring the bare nessceties, so I don’t have that much to move if I have to move again or things just don’t work out.
There is definitely risk in this plan, so I’m somewhat worried about a lot of it. Risk hasn’t paid off for me in the past. That’s kind of how I’m in my current situation. The biggest thing I’m worried about is that the long hours will take a lot out of me, so I won’t have time to search for this “other job.” I can’t figure out anyway around this obstacle besides just forcing myself to do it. Actually, it might help if I hate this new job, as I would be even more motivated to find another job. I already having my misgivings about it, seeing as most of my coworkers will be significantly younger than me. But the free time factor will be an issue. That’s why I’ve already dropped the volunteering aspect of my plan. that I’ve mentioned when talking about it before (though I might set up some informal interviews just to meet people and get my name out there in the local museum community). Additionally, I’m not sure how easy getting another job will be. This has always been my great stumbling block in the past, and it’s why I’m in my current situation. I’m hoping that given a wide metropolitan area, I will be able to find SOMETHING to keep me going. I guess I’ll have a better sense of this when I actually do it. And there there are the things I haven’t even considered! I can’t tell you what those might be, cause I don’t know myself. And of course, there’s always something random like accidents, illnesses, and all sorts of random things like that.
This all sounds rather dour, but I have to believe that it will work out. If it does, I’ll be in a much better situation to deal with my life and rebuild my confidence in myself. I shouldn’t have an escape route planed, as it suggest that I believe my plan won’t work (though I guess not having one would be like launching a ship without lifeboats). There is a story that when Cortes reached the Mexico, he burned his ships so his men had no choice but to go forward. Of course this story is apocryphal, and I probably should not use a Conquistador as a role model, but you see what I’m getting at. If I can’t go back, then I can only go forward, and that is the mind set I need to have to make this work.
I can make this work. I have been very hard on myself in recent years, so now I need to learn to forgive myself. The past is done, I can’t change anything about it. I’ve made some mistakes , sure, and boy do I have regrets. But at this moment, none of that matters. My future is still open. I’m still young enough to make a change. I’m going to make it through this, you’ll see. And when I do, I will come out of it stronger than ever before.
Alright! Let’s do this!
(side note: While I’ll try to keep this updated as much as I can, it really is my lowest priority. Updates will probably be much shorter and very random. If you haven’t heard from me in a while, assume I’m busy making it work.)